Just One More

His leg was draped across the favourite chair’s armrest

Head fell back in defeat, hair matted with sweat

One hand hung feebly beside, feeling the cold floor

The other fingers gripped the crystal glass tightly

Almost guarding it with whatever life he had in him

The pale coloured liquid doubling as like his life’s elixir

Faintly mumbling something, staring into a void

He then reached out for another, Just one more

 

She immensely liked the shiver; the cool thin metal gave her

It was ironic that her weakness made her feel strong

A chilling smile spread across her face as the memories reeled

Being the target of jokes, anger, humiliation and insecurity

She slowly and grandly lifted her choice of weapon

Just a few strokes and the scarlet streamlets coloured her bath

The tears tried to drive away the agony that swallowed her up

She consoled herself and said, Just one more

 

He was enraged, clenched and unclenched his fist

Held his head between the knees that wanted to give up

The clothes yelled out for help but no one listened

Trembling fingers ran through the unkempt unwashed hair

Lifting his head to expose the scared and blood-red eyes

He fought with urges with all his might till they took over

Vanquished, he reached out for the rolled piece of paper beside him

He validated each puff with, Just one more

 

Standing in front of the mirror, measuring tape around the slim waist

All she wanted was to look and feel beautiful, and thin

Disgusted by the picture that was reflecting on the spotless surface

She dropped the tape and took support of her meek arms

The long locks tumbled over her head, around her despondent existence

She let it all out, pools of her aspirations and heartfelt desires

They all accumulated, reminding her to stop, before going down the drain

Retching after every meal, convinced to do Just one more

 

They all embraced their darkness, with a hope to shrug it off

Feeling protected and miserable, bound within the grim clutches of addiction

He drank a little more with each passing night, seeking numbness

She made perfect little cuts on the pale canvas of skin, concealing the pain

He puffed during the waking hours, freeing his dreams, up with the smoke

She threw up a little more, hoping to inch towards the perfect figure

The merciless and icy fingers of their weakening strength, gripped them tighter

Bit by bit, their life trickled away, all in the excuse of just one more………

 

 

 

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Soul

                                                            

 

From the spine of old books to each other’s tender hearts 

They gazed silently through the glossy pools molten hazel drops

The waves crashed on the conniving rocks, lapping them hungrily

Seagulls screeched loudly, fighting over the helpless fish

Pages of numerous books flipped gracefully, the breeze teasing

Yet they could hear each other thoughts, clear and loud 

 

They exchanged a smile, of affection and understanding  

Reaching out to the first book that came into their hands

The fingers brushed, shiver ran out the skin; another smile

It was but a familiar occurrence, delicate nevertheless

Settling on the soft vast Persian rug, speckled with books

The reading began, feet over each other, head nestled in lap

 

Those sparkling huge French windows kept them secluded

Carefully collecting and preserving their silent conversations

They communicated through their favourite quotes and scenarios

Found themselves searching for their beloved characters in each other

As the words became a part of their being, the pages dwindled

They lost each other in them, and found themselves in pristine realms

 

The lips read words written by others, revealed their passion through them

An immense wave of emotions overwhelmed them, drowned them

The red flutter of flame crackled lustily on the dry, burnt logs

Silver moon rippled through the pond, pining and longing

They were being imitated enviously by the raging fire and tranquil moon

Complimenting each other, warping the distance and illusions through words

 

The high walls and the grand ceiling that shielded them and their stories

Seemed like a fleeting moment of surreal fantasy, an untouched dream

It was an escape, their sanctuary, far away from the urban complexities

Where the silent glances and smiles spoke more than voluminous books

They were happy to lose themselves beneath those pages and words

Unwilling and shy to finish any chapter, see through any conclusions

 

They just immersed themselves, in the possibilities of the infinite,

Carefree, distant from the shackles of obscurity and triviality

Happily anonymous amongst the most popular and worshipped names

She in his shirt, his arms around her waist, leaving behind their scent

Between those crumpled pages, that would tell something more a story

It would boast and radiate the soul of their poignant story too.

The Journey

The windows rolled down

One hand casually drooping out of it

With smoke between the fingers rising up in victory

And ash accepting its defeat by bowing down

Other hand bracing the leather steering

With fingers tapping on it

To the beat of the groovy music

Dreamy eyes set on that thin line

Where the sky and road seem to marry

The foot on the metal

Pressing it hard, maybe to challenge speed

The rubber kissing the asphalt

And leaving behind trees and chaos

At an unforgiving and heartless pace

The long winding road ahead mocked me

As if it promised a hurdle every few meters

A shift in the gear, a push on the accelerator

Everything else was a blur, a vague picture

The wind howled loudly and menacingly

Only one thing was crystal clear

And only one thing really mattered

The horizon, that always fascinated me

It seemed like there were endless possibilities

Something so far away, so beyond my reach

Had to hold something far precious than my imagination

The unknown intrigued me and the known repelled

So, I continued to race against time

In a bid to step in the anonymous horizon just once

I forgot all that I selfishly left behind

As the distance piled up, the memories faded

I glanced at the rear view mirror,

They revealed faint shreds of the bygone

Regret blended with ambition and reflected in the smile

I kept on pushing the metal harder and harder

In an attempt to outrun things, people, feelings

The surroundings kept getting hazy with every second

All that mattered was in front of me, or so I thought

Just then something caught my eye, a glint faraway

The screech of the burning tires left a mark behind

Stepping out, I was greeted by a bout of indescribable beauty

I was caught off guard, how could I completely miss it

 Somewhere in the pursuit of reaching the horizon

And escaping all that I left behind for good,

Enmeshed between focusing and hurrying

I forgot to enjoy the purpose of all this – The journey.

Thank you mommy

 

 

 

Note: Some of you might find this disturbing/depressing. But I had this poem in my mind since a long time. This issue has always been close to my heart. I had a tough time writing it, as this wasn’t an easy issue to deal with. Hope all of you feel as strongly about this issue as I do, and join hands to do something to change it.

This is the voice of all those girls who didn’t get a chance to speak. This is for all those little girls.

 

I can hear you mommy

You sound excited, you are giggling

Can’t hear you clearly, but I know

That you are talking to me

Daddy comes too and you tell him something

He also talks to me

I, somehow, hear him more clearly

He says something about him waiting for me

You both look and sound really excited

I can feel you jumping mommy

Don’t really understand one thing

Why are there tears and smile on your face

At the same time

Maybe I’m too small to understand it

But I’m glad you are happy about my arrival

Guess its a few months of wait

Before I finally meet you and daddy

Till then, I just want to say

Thank you mommy, for welcoming me

 

I can hear you mommy

I listen intently to whatever you tell me

You tell me stories, you tell me secrets

Don’t worry, they will be safe with me

I hear you arguing with daddy about silly things

Something about painting the room pink or blue

I don’t even know what they are

But I hear you got a lot of toys for me

That makes me really happy

I’m getting bigger each day, and healthier

Daddy is pampering you silly, I know

I’m glad because I know he’ll do the same with me

You have such a soft touch mommy

I can feel you when you touch your belly to feel me

Can’t wait to actually be in your arms

And sleep listening to your lullabies, your touch

You kissing me good night, and watching me grow

I feel your immeasurable love and joy

Thank you mommy, for loving me so

 

I can hear someone else now mommy

Sounds happy, and excited

But aren’t you feeling the same

I know when you are sad; I can read your feelings

Daddy sounds upset too, somewhat angry

I think he is telling me something, dejected

What is happening, I don’t understand anything

Suddenly there is a lot of crying happening these days

Did I do something wrong, wish I could ask you

Why are you saying sorry to me, repeatedly

You aren’t talking and sharing like before

I feel lost; daddy is also not talking to me

Why did you stop decorating my room

I want to hear stories again

But tonight you share a secret with me

Maybe that will answer these desolate times

You tell me that you can’t have me

No reasons are given, just a plain sentence

Thank you mommy, for sharing with me

 

I don’t hear anything mommy

Except for your screams and crying

I feel I’m getting separated from you

It’s like I’m floating in space and falling

Into some sort of void, I’m helpless

Suddenly it’s too bright and loud

But I can’t open my eyes or cry

I want to see how you look like, feel like

But they aren’t taking me to you

You are somewhere close to me, I know

Why are you telling them to take me away from you

I thought you wanted me, you were waiting for me

Your cries are mellowing down

I can no longer hear you, I’m scared

There are strange voices everywhere

Someone is wrapping me tightly

Saying sorry to me, saying some prayer

And is now placing me somewhere

Thank you mommy, for crying for me

 

I see myself now, lying in the corner of a garbage bin

Through a window, I finally see you

You are really beautiful mommy, but tears don’t suit you

Daddy seems upset, wish I could hug him

As I bid you both farewell, I look around for some comfort

Then I see a lot of girls in their homes

Some are beaten up, made to work a lot

Others are considered as a burden, are not loved

They are bound by rules, responsibilities, cultures and traditions

I see they have dreams, but are living in despair

Why can’t they live the way that makes them happy too

The tears, unexpressed feelings and hurt

Is slowly making them numb, lose faith

Aren’t girls supposed to be loved and pampered

They burn themselves to take care of everyone

I know we are strong, can fight the world for our loved ones

Then why can’t they fight for us

I didn’t find the comfort that I was looking for

It made me really sad but happy at the same time

If this is how my life was supposed to turn out, then

Thank you mommy, for letting me go!!

 

 

 

 

 

Where freedom lies….

Was born in a land

With fences at every step

An open and vast world beyond

With mesmerizing sights to behold

The birds conquered the skies

Fish ruled the water

Man was busy building fences

And I was chained behind boundaries

Eyes tried to look past the obvious

I stretched out to touch the visible

Everything was so near, yet so far

 It mocked me callously

The chains tightened their grip

Around a feeble me

Restricted the steps I took

And blurred the vision ahead

Feet were bruised through a million attempts

To free themselves from the shackles

Blood and tears numbed the agony

But eyes never gave up dreaming

And heart endlessly pumped out hope

With a thirst to know the unknown

And see the unseen

I pined to break free and run

The fingers tingled to touch the invisible

I was no longer sure of what I saw

Was it a mirage or did it exist

Squinting, I looked at the distance

I tried to paint what I dreamt

Heart travelled beyond what eyes could see

Wonderful stories were weaved

Imagination and reality merged

But the chains gnawing into my feet

Are a constant reminder of the

Sacred and feared boundaries

The more they cut deep into my flesh,

Stronger becomes my desire to break free

Till then I will fight these boundaries

These senseless, cruel and timeless boundaries.

The Doll

I saw a pretty girl play with a doll

Her cheeks had a shade of pink

The eyes had a dreamy glint

Not a hair was out of place

The doll was exactly like her

Prim and proper with pretty clothes on

Bright red plastic lips

Perfectly slender arms and legs

They looked perfect together

 

I stared at them from this side of the window

The glass window that separated our worlds

My breath lent it a dusty mist

And my palms left behind a dirty print

I was besotted by the ‘other’ world

It was just so crystal clear

Everything in it seemed fragile

It was full of pretty people and things

Wonder if it has place for someone like me

 

My side of the world is almost invisible

Over here food is a luxury, filth an unwanted guest

A soft bed without bugs is a far-fetched dream

Here even dreams don’t visit us in our sleep

Though smiles don’t leave our muddy faces

I wish most of such smiles were more genuine

Our life paths are more crooked than our teeth

The days unpredictable like the rain

But all I ask for is that pretty doll

 

Will the doll know the difference me and that pretty girl

Hope she doesn’t mind finding herself in my hands

I feel like the even the doll doesn’t deserve our world

But it won’t hurt to atleast wish for it

Mommy says something about reality

Daddy talks about work money and cruelty

I don’t understand what they say about life

I just wish to be pretty, happy and content

Just like that doll that I’m looking at

 

I saw the pretty girl crying about something

Guess the doll she was playing with broke

I felt sorry for her and wanted to coax her

She came out running and threw the doll away

Why did she throw it away, I was confused

Does money give you the power to destroy pretty things

If so I just want that disowned doll, not money

The doll was now a part of my world

Broken, unwanted and yet she will be loved

 

I picked the pretty doll, promising it a good life

As soon as it came in my hands, I felt strong

I had to take care of it, and myself

I think now dreams will dare to visit me

Smile is as genuine as it can get

Mommy calls me beautiful, I believe her

Daddy says life isn’t always unfair

I braced myself for a better tomorrow

Suddenly everything seems just fine and perfect

And all it took was a broken doll.

 

 

 

 

 

 

That First Step

Creases crowded her hand

And crevasses in them were filled

With dirt, loss and abandoned dreams

Staring intently at them

And trying to understand why

Each line that resided in her palm

Lied to her about everything

With a blank face she continued her work

Swept the dry leaves from the side walk

 

As a kid she loved autumn and dry leaves

Her dad would sweep and pile them

And she jumped right into them

With leaves creating havoc

Her giggles filled up the air

How she would give anything to have

That moment of carefree bliss once again

Each stray leaf she swept seemed like an old dream

That slipped through her fingers noiselessly

 

The voices in her head created a fury

Each screamed that she couldn’t do it

That she wasn’t strong enough to nurture her dreams

Every time those voices filled her up

She sunk a little lower and silently screamed a little louder

Always wished to muffle those voices to death

Helplessly she clasped the warm blanket around self

And mustered all strength and will to

Protect whatever little hope that was left in her

 

The cries of the lost life kept her awake all night

Arrival of morning was an ugly reminder to her

Of yet another failed day welcoming her

But, next day, there was something new in the air

There was a desire to turn into a new leaf

Found strength she forgot she had,

Picked up the broom to sweep the fallen leaves

And gather all the neglected dreams

Safeguarded them back in the eyes

 

She muted all the voices that told “she can’t”

Cut all the links that weighed her down

Took baby steps in the unknown, forgotten path

Challenged everything that was thrown at her

Started enjoying every fight she was up against

Undeterred she kept on moving ahead.

She was ready to own all the abandoned dreams

And all that it took was, that  courageous first step

Towards a life she always dreamt