Tug of War

She was hardly a day old

When her father fell in love with her

Held her delicate hands

And kissed her tiny, little nose

He saw many dreams for his bundle of joy

She was growing into his little princess

Her father just couldn’t get enough of her

Showered her with unquenchable love

He shared his dreams with those curious eyes

And handed them over to the tiny palms

His angel grew a few more feet

Started understanding the world around her

Keeping her father’s dreams safe in her heart

Trod happily along the razor-sharp life

Knowing she had her father’s back

Slowly the daughter developed beautiful wings

And the long, safely guarded dreams slipped through

With a will to soar beyond the known skies

She took a leap of faith into the unknown territory

For first time ever, she couldn’t see her father beside her

She turned around and there she saw him

Standing on the edge with dreams broken by his side

With pain in his eyes and smile upon his face

He helplessly saw his little girl fly away solo

And left, after burying and mourning the dreams

She was scared yet enthralled

On her journey to the unknown, alone

Picking up myriad dreams along the way

Nibbled on every ounce of hope and faith

With the love her father blessed her with, she flew on

The new dreams started bearing fruits

Yet she couldn’t enjoy their sweetness or smile

Her father’s absence forever pinched her

So did the nagging thought of going back to the known

But her heart and wings had other plans and guided her way through

From the childhood days of hide and seek

She wondered if the game took a serious turn now

Her father and his smile had hidden some place she couldn’t seek

She wished this game came to an end real soon

No one was winning in this tug of war of dreams

She is still flying solo, spanning across infinity,

With an undelivered message to her father

Everyday the messages pile up in her heart

The guilt weighs her down a little each day

Yet her determined wings manage to keep her up

Just like there were dreams he shared with her as a kid

She wishes she can share her dreams with him

Cravings of that extra nudge and push by her father

Whenever she was bogged down was needed

Yet, his love kept her alive and determined

He taught her to always get what she wanted

Clutching to those lessons she moves on

A silent tear drops by, eyes see a few more dreams

Just as the wings begin to falter in the turbulence

She wishes for her father to be the wind beneath her wings.

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That feeling

Some random lines I wrote. It’s not a poem or anything. Ever felt that feeling when you are extremely low or sad or anxious without actually knowing the reason for it. It’s so irritating and frustrating right! One day I was feeling the same and just put pen to paper that time and wrote whatever came to my mind that time. Bet you been through it too! (Psst..no editing has been done here, so it’s very raw and random! )

Fiddling, tapping, meddling

Mind’s blank or stuffed with infinite things

Eyes closed, head gently hitting the wall

Walking round in circles, aimlessly

Music blasting and echoing everywhere

In the house, ears and mind

Nothing makes sense, what is happening

Curbing the urge to smoke or kill someone

Flicking through novels, typing random words

Trying to connect the feelings, the music and words together

Lame attempts at decoding the cruel games

Played by the life, heart, mind or people

Shuffling the playlist to find the perfect song

That describes how I feel

Biting the lips, chipping nail paint not calming

Comfort food or a hug is needed

Playing the reel of good memories

No, they don’t help either

Stringing together words should help

But what if they are as random as these

A run, a pet or just a good conversation

A good read or that one text

Something, anything, come cheer me up

Help me name what I’m feeling

No, this isn’t insanity

I’m just restless.

BATTLEFIELD

I step into the battlefield

Unguarded

It looks deserted

I see barren ground kissing the sky

I embrace the blowing wind

When suddenly hurt came waving a sword

And sliced through my heart

Fear threatened to break it up

And smash it into little crumbs

Anger ran into me and became a part of me

And radiated its bright light constantly

Helplessness kept on poking me

Confirming its constant presence

Hopelessness held me steady

Making me a perfect target to hit

Loneliness came with a shield

Ensuring I’m protected from any companionship

Depression came above me like a cloud

And drenched me with sadness

A flood of insecurity came

Drowning me deeper and deeper into it

Vulnerability haunted me wearing a black hood

And ordered confusion to never leave my side

Failure isolation and rejection spun around me

And laughed loudly making me dizzy

A tornado of numbness engulfed me

And spit me out bruised and battered

Now lying in the middle of the battlefield of emotions

The hollow me is waiting to be trampled by happiness…………………

Arrested Dreams

He is in his warm bed

Within the comfort of the four walls

And a high roof overhead

Music plugged in his ears

Lyrics on his lips

Dreams in his eyes

Plans on his mind

He did live a good life

Smiles and happiness

Filled the huge room

He lost track of where he’s going

Is stumbling all along

With liquor in hand

Mumbles non-sense

Blinks hard, looks around

Asks for directions

His heart needs mending

Spirit needs a lift

Ego needs a job

And life needs a purpose

He regrets taking shortcuts

Curses himself incessantly

For getting into wrong company

Angry for ever feeling it,

The cool surface of the trigger

Sad for getting weak to pull it

A child was orphaned that day

He became numb

A huge hole gaped through his soul

Money is his hand didn’t make sense now

He’s sleeping on something hard and cold

Walls are closing in on him

It cannot get darker than this

Head is finally clear

Hatred for self reached new heights

Wondered how he let everything slip

Regret filled the tiny space

Wishing to rewind and erase one evening

Was futile and senseless

Now he feels helpless as,

More than him, his dreams got arrested